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Found Books

9 December 2012 One Comment
Found books and their synopses. 

Peter Stormer is hiking in the foothills surrounding Rome when he stumbles upon a runcible spoon, tucked away in a crevasse. It’s heavily tarnished, almost black, with the Single letter “B” etched in a spidery swirl on its stem. He uses the spoon for the next twenty years and calamity ensues: a spouse lies, a rhinoplastry disaster, an exposure incident, and finally the death of a litter of kittens.

One night we picked up a hitchhiker. He was a dirty old man with paper bags for shoes. We fed him and he told us of his time in the war, of being tortured, how he had lost an ear, a leg, half a kidney, was forced to eat the eyeballs of a sailor and then left to die in a field filled with wild dogs. Heck, that’s nothing my brother said, try spending ten nights in a bar room.


Just last June, Salvador stumbled upon the Door of Life. It was smaller than expected and when he knocked on its surface, he found it hollow. When no one answered he stood and waited, imagining what must lie beyond. After two or three years the door opened wide and in the distance, he saw a beautiful woman smiling and holding two small children, the deep blue sea behind them and a dog chasing waves. He sighed and kicked the door shut.

The months went by but Selby was still with the living. Flowers were brought, fruit baskets and dozens of slick silver balloons floated above his bed but still he drew breath. The machines held up his liver and Gil spoon feed him with an eye dropper. It was only after a nurse tripped on a spilled bedpan and accidentally injected silver nitrate into his neck that Gil was finally able to whisper, “Going, going, gone.”

The Dark Wood is what Mummy called Daddy’s savage moods. We children knew never to bother him during those times or Daddy may have to go to the “White Showroom” up on the hill again. The last time daddy was in a “dark wood”, Tommy told him he was hungry and Daddy drove us all night to the Appalachian mountains where we drank yam hooch and ate coon cakes.



We had a saying around the house that summer whenever Peter walked by: Women and Peter. Peter was the boy who lived next door, he was heavy and pimply with an angry sunburn over his chest. But the girls chased him, licked his earlobes, wrapped their tan and slender legs around his pudgy tummy, but to no avail. Eventually he married young Thomas, the caretaker for the Brenton’s estate.

Lost Ecstasy, was what Ruth called her time with Lionel Yan, the famous pastel artist who pasteled triptychs of oxen and old rubber hoses. They spent a month together in a organic commune on the Ohio river and soon after his work suffered; he lost his hair, his wife and his ego and was forced to retire and teach batik at the local community center.

Fire is the true story of a dozen Dalmatians who flee their firehouses and form a new society on the island of Aurora. Dennis, their leader pens his autobiography called Fire which details the tiresome daily activities in the firehouse. Shortly after its publication Dennis drowns and the rest of the Dalmatians rejoice.

The Sudden Guest is the story of Sadie, a downtrodden prop girl who has a backstage fling with a famous playwright and finds herself pregnant. Soon after noting the girl’s expanding waistline, the playwright writes his smashhit, The Sudden Guest, with the wee subtitle: we couldn’t be rid of….

Gabby and Dergewood were two spinster sisters who lived in the old stone cottage under Blithe Cliff. When Dergewood was young she fell in love with an older man, a buccaneer named Syne but he left her and she was heartbroken. Gabby, a jealous and incorrigible shrew, looked toward the sea and happily said: men were simply like that; ships that pass in the night.

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One Comment »

  • Jerzy said:

    This is always so very hard. The good thing is you have the moimrees, and you and your little monkey had love between you. That is the best thing of all! Merry Christmas!!