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Ball Gall

10 August 2009 2 Comments

CIMG3586 copy Stella hoped Arthur would stay longer on his business trip. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see him, it was just he always brought back ridiculous presents.

She would feign happiness, clap her hands like a child, bounce up and down, her breasts jiggling madly. There was the mink underwear, the lemon custard tin in the shape of a crown, the perfume made from the Trunky fruit of West Angola, the chocolate daffodil that stunk of rotten peaches, and the worst by far – a life-size replica of her bottom. It was made of gelatinous rubber, with two ample dimples on each cheek.

He’d place it on the table, an obscene center piece at their dinner parties.. The men would wink at one another, a few whiskeys down, and fondle the mold’s rosy buttocks. After one such party, she caught her husband’s best friend fondling the buttocks roughly, while the others were in the den. His other hand within his trousers rubbing away fiendishly. He seemed quite embarrassed when she discovered him, and scowled at her: my my, too realistic, perhaps Arthur should move that to the bedroom or donate it to the boy scouts, he he.

CIMG3587 copySo when Arthur arrived that evening, he only had one package in his hand, it was vivid green and quite small.

This my dear is a golf ball marker. It marks your balls. She was shocked and excited he had returned with no present for her. It was certainly out of character, and soon she grew suspicious. Does he have a mistress? She thought and peered at the strange gadget.

You take a ball like this (he proceeded to reach in his pants, search for his balls, and managed to fit one ball in the little machine) arrange the letters – in this case we’ll put “Stella’s Property”–and put it in the little metal holder and press down, presto a little ball with a message. His pinkish balls lay still in the little press and quite clearly, she made out the words, “Stella’s Property”.

Why darling I do believe this time you’ve produced a very practical present! And she hopped up and down and her boobs jiggled and her infamous bottom jiggled as well and that was that.

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  • jen & angelo said:

    I really like this story. It would be great if we could mark them in this way. Of course, they would still find a way to cheat!

  • Shelagh (author) said:

    Thanks so much!

    I’ve already used it for that very purpose, it works quite well…